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Archive for September, 2009

Superfeet insoles supersuck

I’m a griper it seems – a snarky, sarcastic complainer. I’ve jettisoned some pretty whiny stuff out into the ether over the past month or so. My Facebook friends can attest to this. I’d like to tell you I’m going to maintain higher journalistic standards from now on… but I can’t. I’m partial, and I dislike a thing or too.

insolesI’m really starting to buy into this whole conspiracy theory about running shoes. You know; the one about how running shoe companies are helmed by charlatans. And how you’re precious Mizunos are snake oil’s modern equivalent. Even worse, your Mizunos may be exacerbating your running injuries.

I’m starting to think insole companies are onboard, as well.

Don’t get me wrong; I love new shoes: running, casual, dress, even dress-casual. Whada ya got? I like ’em all. But I’m plowing through SpEVA like there’s no tomorrow. I’m talking a new pair of running shoes every three months. My feet start to hurt, so I cut my mileage and order a new pair. I’m over it, though.

I need another pair of shoes… again. I have heel pain… again. I don’t think it’s plantar fasciitis, but who knows? Anyway, for the first time in my life I was dreading finding a new pair. I decided to put my foot down — sorry. I wasn’t going to drop another Benjamin — sorry again — for these things.

So, I took the advice of various running enthusiasts and spent some money on insoles — a lot of money — $43 to be exact. They’re supposed to prolong the life of your shoes. I assumed I was paying for quality.

Man do I feel like a sucker. Now, not only do my heels hurt, but my hips and my knees hurt, too. And yes, Superfeet customer service person, I read the extensive user-guide and followed the instructions. I’m still unsatisfied with your overpriced product.

Just Google “insoles,” not Superfeet, and see what you get at the top of the list. It’s not Dr. Scholls. Something’s up with this company, I tell you.

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You’re familiar with it. You probably have a shirt made of it. Maybe a light-weight jacket. Adidas calls itClimaCool®. Nike calls it DriFit®. Here’s how one company described it in a press release: “a conductive fiber consisting of silver-coated yarns and three-dimensionally structured fabrics … which transport sweat away from the skin.”

We’ll call it a poly-blend for brevity’s sake. It’s good stuff, no? I haven’t had to suffer through the travesty that is the cotton T-shirt in quite some time. I can safely say I will never finish a run with a see-through, ten-pound, wet toga hanging from my torso again. I’ve converted. The new stuff is great. There’s always a BUT, though, isn’t there?

It has a tendency to get loud, doesn’t it? Smelly I mean. After a month of regular use, every article of moisture-wicking clothing I’ve ever owned, has gotten funky… real funky. It doesn’t wash out either. My sweat gets immortalized in those silver-coated yarns. Perspiration gets locked into the space-aged polymers, and it there it stays…forever.

Or so I thought.

winIt wasn’t like I was going to the office in the stuff; and people were giving me funny looks. There’s just something disconcerting about pulling a warm garment from the dryer, putting it to your face to inhale the lavender goodness, and getting nothing but a compendium of body odor.

Throwing these relatively new articles of expensive clothing away was out of the question. I’d like to say I labored over the problem, and then follow that up with a list of folk-remedies I tried, but… Actually, that sounds like a good idea. I’m going Pinocchio. Ready thyself for some fabrication:

  • I tried Soy Sauce and liquid fire. Still smelled.
    I tried VapoRub and holy water. No dice.
    I tried vinegar and a used toner cartridge. Not a dent
    I even drank a cup of fabric softener before each run. Nothing.
  • OK, that was stupid. Thanks for indulging me, though.

    Here’s the reveal, folks. Get out your pencils. Some clever entrepreneur actually designed a product for the unyielding odor that consumes my DriFit. It’s called Win. And it works. Here’s how:

    Using a unique technology, Win Detergent’s scientifically designed super oxygenated system directly targets offensive odors and stains. This powerful oxy cleaning technology eliminates the embedded sweat molecules and odors that overwhelm the fabric.

    Simultaneously, these same ingredients also react with soil and organic materials causing them to either decolorize or disintegrate. Once in a soluble form after oxidization, dirt and odors easily wash away.

    I don’t know anything about super-oxygenated systems, but my shirts don’t offend me anymore. Here’s my beef, though: You have to keep using this stuff. It’s like heroin. You can’t just stop; Less you miss smelling like Mexican food.

    This stuff isn’t like habenero peppers either; a little doesn’t go a long way.

    Like all new inventions, it will cost you… seven bucks for a small bottle to be precise. And don’t expect to find it on a grocery store shelf either. Try a sporting goods store. And do try it. It works.

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    bobcat-goldthwaitI recently had the pleasure, nay the honor, of producing a live hour of radio with Bobcat Goldthwait. When I brag about this little daytime-talk coup de grace (much like now), I’m typically met with, “You mean the guy with the funny voice?” I give a nod and follow it up with a “but.” And boy is it a big but. (Side note) It wasn’t really a coup de grace; I just like the expression.

    Here’s my intro to the hour (excuse the radio-ese):

    Bobcat Goldthwait was doing stand-up by the time he was 15. He made his first appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman before he turned 21. Hollywood was quick to cash in on his talent. Roles in the Police Academy series and Scrooged with Bill Murray propelled him to stardom.

    But the character he made famous became a mixed blessing of sorts. It brought Goldthwait fame and acclaim but typecast him in a role too manic and one-dimensional to maintain. In 1992, he tried his hand at writing and directing with Shakes the Clown, a movie the Boston Globe called the Citizen Cane of alcoholic clown movies. The film would eventually reach cult classic status, cementing Goldthwait’s standing as an independent filmmaker and a certifiable talent behind the camera.

    He went on to direct episodes of the Chappelle Show and Jimmy Kimmel Live, all the while writing scripts for the big screen. World’s Greatest Dad – his latest movie – is a black comedy with a truly unconventional plot.

    Here’s the trailer, be forewarned, it’s not for the squeamish:

    Goldthwait cast Robin Williams in the lead role. Williams plays Lance Clayton –a single parent and struggling writer – who also happens to be a teacher at his 17-year-old son’s school. After an unspeakable tragedy, Lance does what he thinks is right despite this darkest of conundrums. World’s Greatest Dad was accepted at 2009’s Sundance Film Festival.

    A screening of the film here at The Maryland Film Festival sold out the largest of the Charles’ five theaters. It received a standing ovation and a spontaneous tribute from Baltimore’s own John Waters – who was in the audience.

    Jed [DEETS] the festival’s director describes Goldthwait’s screen writing as acerbic, touching, and hilarious. Rotten tomatoes – a popular movie review Website – calls World’s Greatest Dad“a risky, deadpan, dark comedy that effectively explores the nature of posthumous cults of celebrity.”

    Bob Goldthwait joins us this hour to talk about his movie and his transformation from stand-up comic to bona fide auteur.

    Nice to have you on the show, Bobcat ( or Bob).

    I wish everything I booked could be this fun.

    Take a listen!.

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